Non Sequiturs + Other Quasi-Funny Stuff #9


Unintentional humor from the Internet journalism realm (actual excerpts in bold):

Grizzlies guard Mike Conley has made a case to be an All-Star by becoming more of a scorer on the offensive end.

If you’ve played or watched much basketball, you see the redundancy here. Let’s just say that it would have been enough to write: Conley has become more of a scorer — period.

In other words, is it necessary to say he’s becoming more of a scorer on the offensive end? Not exactly. But if he’s becoming more of a scorer on the defensive end, he might be an All-Star for the other team.

(And yes, you can make a case that my explanation of the redundancy in the above excerpt has been, shall we say, redundant.)


Here are my dazzling duos (not in any order): …

I’ve heard of a list not being in any particular order … but not in any order?

Sorry, that does not compute. And if it’s true, this list must not exist — because a list has to be in some kind of order.


NASCAR driver Brian Vickers missed the last month of the 2013 season after a recurrence of the bolt clots that caused him to sit out most of 2010.

Yes, this item deals with a serious situation, but the linguistic misstep seems too classic to pass up. Apparently, when a race car driver develops blood clots, they are known as bolt clots. Either that, or the writer had cars and bolts on his mind, not the human body, when he wrote this sentence.


Balado and his wife have a pair of 4-year-old twins.

Wow, four 4-year-olds … but apparently two of them — one pair of twins — were adopted? Unless the Mom gave birth to quadruplets, not twins.

Or maybe, just maybe, the writer should have omitted “a pair of.”


Louisville might still be in the hunt for one more player, possibly juco prospect Sam Cassell Jr., who could bring playmaking abilities to the point guard position.

Basketball fans, help me out here: A point guard, by definition, is supposed to have playmaking abilities … right?

So this is like saying that your friend who just passed the lifeguarding test could bring swimming abilities to the lifeguard position.


“He’s a good player. The more good players you have playing, the better chance you have.”

No commentary necessary — simply enjoy the humorous obviousness, tip your cap and move on.

© Bruce William Deckert 2015


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