Non Sequiturs + Other Quasi-Funny Stuff #11

Unintentional humor from the journalism realm — actual excerpts from stories published on the Internet are in bold. (The all-caps headlines are mine.)

DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: Part 1

The Denver Broncos needed to find a way to help rookie quarterback Paxton Lynch in a must-win win, and they did just that.

Hmm, a must-win win — is that similar to a must-see see? Or perhaps the writer meant to write: must-win game.

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DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: Part 2

Barcelona [has won the Copa del Rey] on 28 occasions, including both of manager Luis Enrique’s two seasons in charge.

Correct me if I’m wrong — but both and two mean, shall we say, the same thing. Removing one would be a classic case of “less is more.”

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TOUGH TO STOMACH THIS RECORD

Russell Westbrook’s previous tripe-double high for a season was 18, set last season.

What’s a tripe-double, you ask? The dictionary says tripe is the stomach of a cow, sheep or other ruminant. But maybe, just maybe, that’s supposed to be: triple-double.

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SPINNING SHENANIGANS

But it shows that the Bengals are committed to doing whatever it takes to move this team forward instead of spinning their wheels in reverse…

Let’s see … the idiom “spinning your wheels” refers to being stuck while trying to move forward. But it isn’t enough for the NFL’s Bengals to simply spin their wheels — they do so in reverse. Creative use of the idiom, or a misplaced description? You be the judge.

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MATH 101

...The Boston Celtics [recorded] a 117-114 home triumph over the Miami Heat … the Celtics needed all 52 points that Isaiah Thomas scored…

I’m no math whiz, but if Isaiah Thomas had scored 50 points, the Celtics still would have won — by one point: 115-114, for the math-challenged among us. So … they didn’t exactly need all 52 of his points.

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BONUS: THIS JUST IN

“We didn’t have much success getting pucks past him. That was part of the reason we weren’t able to beat him.”— after a loss, an NHL player speaks about the opposing goaltender

No commentary necessary — simply enjoy the humorous obviousness, tip your cap and move on.

© Bruce William Deckert 2017

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