All-Name Teams #5

Featuring names from across the world of sports

Thanksgiving is almost here … and here at the FAST All-Name Teams post, we have the beverages and the squash, and the family has begun to gather. But we’re missing the turkey! Does anyone know of a sports figure with a turkey-related name?

By the way, since turkeys taste so good, why do we associate “turkey” with being a loser? Happy Thanksgiving to turkeys and non-turkeys alike…

All-Bird Team 1
Larry Bird — basketball
Jaclyn Hawkes — squash
Kate Starbird — basketball
Bubba Starling — baseball/football
Lynn Swann — football

All-Drinks Team
Lauren Alwine — soccer
Todd Coffey — baseball
Phil Coke — baseball
Lars Lagerback — soccer
Taylor Teagarden — baseball

All-Family Team
Brad Childress — football
Fred Couples — golf
DeMarcus Cousins — basketball
Jeurys Familia — baseball
Bernie Parent — hockey

Non Sequiturs + Other Quasi-Funny Stuff #2

During the 2012 Summer Olympics, an online media outlet posted the following tease and link:

(Remember, since NBC was broadcasting the major events via tape delay, news reports provided spoiler warnings.)

Shocking result in big swimming showdown
Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte square off in the most anticipated duel of the Olympic Games. SPOILER ALERT
Phelps barely qualifies

Correct me if I’m wrong … but this info precisely spoils the drama!

Phelps was the dominant athlete at the 2008 Games, winning a record eight gold medals, so he’s the focus of this London 2012 showdown. But then the link spoils it royally: We can deduce that Phelps swam worse than expected — no Einsteinian logic needed — and we’re also told outright that he qualified, albeit barely.

If he hadn’t qualified, that would have been a colossal shock — far more shocking than the “shocking result” this tease doesn’t exactly conceal. Spoiler-wise, readers know the key news without clicking a link.

More accurately, the tease could have read: ALREADY SPOILED ALERT!